On Being Shy

I have had this blog post running around in my head for quite awhile.  It is a look inside me, the real me, the one inside my head.  Hopefully it will let others know what has been going on in my head and why I may have acted the way I did! 

I have always been shy.  My mom says that when I was little and I was playing, I always had to come back and "check in" or "touch base" and then I'd go back to playing.  And my grandpa used to always tell me the story of how I always followed my mom around so closely that he was worried that she'd back up over me!   My mom also says that she was worried for me when I went to Kindergarten (but I loved school and so I did fine!)  Being shy also presented problems when my parents took me to get my picture taken.  (Especially if the photographer wasn't the best with kids!)

I even had trouble smiling for people I knew like my aunt!

That's me in the front on the right
(if you couldn't tell by my lack of smile)

I have been able to overcome some of my shyness as I progressed through life.  In 6th grade, I was too shy to tell the teachers I prefered to be called "Becky" and spent that year being called "Rebecca" (to the day I graduated, I could tell the people who had been in class with me in 6th grade as they always called me Rebecca!)  I remember in 8th grade when they announced a meeting for those interested in joining track,  I headed to the meeting and 2 other girls from my home room were also going.  They turned, looked at me, and said, "YOU'RE going out for track??"  I almost turned around and went back to class!  But I really wanted to be on track, so I continued.  By the next year, neither of those 2 girls were on the team anymore!  Belonging to the track team, and then the cross country team, helped me to open up a little.  It gave me something to call my own.  I also had the orchestra, although orchestra was the "geeky" music group.  The "cool" kids were in band!  (It helped, though, that the director liked the orchestra better!)  Going off to college continued my progression in overcoming /dealing with my shyness.  I had 2 different Christian groups that I belonged to, plus my church, and I enjoyed going and hanging out with people.   Dan talks easily with people so I have been able to "tag along" with his conversations and that helps, too. 

Another problem I have had, which may stem in part from being shy, is difficulty in making friends.  Other than family members, I haven't had a best friend since I was in First Grade, and that was a girl who was in the afternoon group of Kindergarten and I would see her waiting for school when I got out and was going home!  We had the one year together and then she moved.  Then before 3rd grade, we moved.  In 3rd grade, I had a friend that I played with every recess, but after that year, I don't know what happened to her, she disappeared (she probably moved, too).  Then I entered the "I'm their friend, but I'm not too thrilled with being their friend" stage. This meant that I ended up with the "underdogs" a lot when I really wanted/needed someone who was less needy than I was.  The girls that I wanted to be friends with weren't the popular kids, but I was too shy to approach them.  I've always had a hard time looking people in the eye while speaking to them (like I wasn't worthy enough) and I'm sure that came across as I wasn't interested in them.  I would tell myself, "Why would they want to be my friend anyway?"  My freshman year of college, I had a roommate with whom I connected, but the next year, she joined a traveling evangelistic group and moved away.  (Do we notice a theme here?)  Another thing that may have contributed to my problems with opening up to someone is the fact that my family went through 3 adoptions (7 kids total) who ended up "divorcing" our family.  My parents were accused of things that never happened or something small that did happen was amplified 1000%.  I had a harder time with the last adoption as I felt it disrupted my place in the family more.  I had finally accepted the situation when the bomb exploded.  I think it made me even more gun shy than before!  Now in the age of blogs and Facebook, I can communicate without having to worry about eye contact and feeling awkward, but then I find myself worrying that I should have said something a different way, or wondering if someone thinks I'm being annoying by posting all the time (Like they will think "Oh, not her again").  Or if one of my friends seems to post on a mutual friend's wall/comments more, I find myself feeling like it's because I'm not likeable enough.  (back to the "why would they want to be my friend" again)  I may have had friends, but they are more surface relationships.  I have always longed for a best friend with whom you share real things.  

Here is an older blog post that also tells a little about who I am

And this is a humorous look at my sleep deprived state from a couple years ago!

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Garage Sale Find

In February, the school had a "garage" sale.  By the time the kids and I got there, there was only an hour left.  I was thinking we'd probably lost out on the best deals, but they had just started a "Fill a bag for $3" offer.  We filled a rather large bag and paid the $3. 

Among the treasures we got, was this dress:

I really liked it, but there were a few things that I wanted to alter to make it more modest.  First, the bottom part of the dress was just the see through overlay fabric (in the first picture, I'm holding my hands on the edge of the see through part and non-see through part--so pretty short!)

So I added a panel to the bottom of the non-see through fabric.  I was going for it being as much longer than the bottom tier as the the bottom tier was than the upper tier. (Does that make sense?)  But it ended up being longer.  I could shorten it, but I think I'll just leave it the way it is. 

The second thing I wanted to alter was the neckline.  It was a little too "plunging" for my taste, so I added a triangular piece to fill in the neckline.

Here is the after picture:

The dress cost about 10¢ and the fabric I used was 5 yards for $5 and I used 1 yard.  So total, it was only $1.10!   Yay!


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A View From the Window

I looked out my bathroom window and saw this:

Do you see him?




I decided to see if I could get a closer picture.....

A little better, but still sort of hard to see him, so I tried to get closer, but Mommy started "yelling" at me and I had to leave.....

So I just cropped the last picture!

 

Isn't he cute?  ☺


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School Carnival 2012

Friday was the school carnival.  The kids and I went and had a good time.

Balloon animals ☺

Looking for worms

I altered the picture of the helper's shirt to be more decent!

Fishing

Bean bag toss

"Plinko"

REACH!

Spin the dial, win a prize

Keep the balloon from touching the floor!

Knocking down chalk with a marble

Bucket Bonanza

Andy did really well at this game!

Sucker tree

Pencil tree

Face painting

Ring toss

Sand art

"The Story of God Dying"

The other day while we were driving in the car, Emily brought her pad of paper she received for her birthday.  When we got home, she asked me to staple it together as a book. Here is the book she created:

"The Story of God Dying":

"After 6 hours on the cross, Jesus died" (see his crown of thorns?)

"Jesus rose from the dead"

"This is Jesus ascending" (there are 2 of him to show him going up to the clouds)

"Jesus ascending in the cloud to Heaven"

"Jesus in God's right hand"  (I love this picture!)

"These are the houses God is preparing for us"

"This is because I love Him so much"

"The End" ☺

Playing at the Park

While the girls were at a birthday party, the boys and I went to a little park to play. 

BIG steps!

Mountain climber!